Forgiveness

A large part of health is forgiveness and realizing we're human.

So I've barely worked out all month... Well, it's been a rough month and while that's no excuse, I'm still alive, so I can forgive myself and keep going.  It's not what you've done in the past, it's what you focus on going forward.

Of course we've all heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, so it's key to understand that in order to move forward after a hiatus or a misstep or a heartbreak you learn from it and apply what you've learned.

Acquiring the knowledge is easy for me.

Applying it, not so much.

But in any case, I went for a jog this evening, which is a step...

a few steps...

two miles, really...

in the right direction.

Knowledge is power

I'm just glad to know that after being away from it, I legitimately do know that I was better off during my crazy hardcore gym time. Granted I need to scale back rebooting myself and won't devote 4 hours a day like I did at my peak early this summer but having lived both lives for myself I'm happily returning with logical grounding and a better realistic spirit.

Being in shape is not just physical.

I'm trying to get in excellent mental shape too.

Without going through my whole life story, I'll just say I've had some rough times from the get-go, and I've had some amount of depression for as long as I can remember.  Throw in about 12 years of childhood bullying (creative, nerdy kids who get free lunch don't win popularity contests) and let's just say I'll be a regular at the Therapist's for some time.  But it is all good - everyone should have a neutral party to be totally honest with.  TOTALLY honest.  Otherwise it won't work.

I used to get frustrated pretty often when I exercised.  There are things I hate, like mountain climbers and lunges, because they're difficult for me.  I feel like I can barely master them and this makes me very, very angry.  Yoga makes me angry because I can't get my mind to be quiet, I can't sit still.

I couldn't ever figure out why all this should bother me so much, but then it dawned on me as I was doing laundry.

I like to be perfect at things.  If not perfect, at least completely awesome.  Perfect was how I stuck it to the bullies, got attention, reaped praise.  Perfect grades, mostly, but I won a couple ribbons at the county fair for baking and sewing, so there's that.

I am not perfect at working out.  I never have been, despite 3 seasons of cheerleading, 2 seasons of track, and a season of swimming throughout middle school and high school.  I'm not a natural athlete (unless you count loving to hike), so I've never put much into it.  I can't expect to be able to run for 5 miles, do 20 squats or a perfect minute of mountain climbers, or bliss out for an hour of yoga if it's not something I've done regularly.  You build up to it.

In hindsight, I think I've spent my life focusing on what I am great at to compensate for or hide my weaknesses, instead of working on those weaknesses and making them at least average.  As a result, I don't have a lot of experience honing and acquiring new skills.  It puts me outside my comfort zone.

All things considered, I do believe it's time to expand my comfort zone and embrace things I know I'm not great at*.  That leads to growth.

So what are you going to embrace?  What's holding you back?

*Patience is a huge one!  I'm very patient with others, but not with myself.  I want to be perfect now, have results now, get what I want Now, Now, NOW - instead of relaxing and enjoying the journey to get there.

Geek-A-Sauris Rex Wins!

One nicely mapped out adjustable excel guide to my personal endeavors for the gym and home gym alike completed! Not only is it designed well for using has a hand written map it's also loosely framed enough to be able to take my handwritten data collected each day and keep an electronic running record so I can program some basic charts and computations later on down the road! Hazaah! Geek-a-sauris Rex wins again!

Operation "Get With It"

As part of what I'm dubbing "Operation Get With It" I'm writing up a lovely excel spreadsheet to start tracking my progress from the ground up after being out of touch with exercise and the gym so long. My former trainer and all around good egg of a friend (Derek Nellis) wrote down itemized sets and numbers for me of weight/type of exercises I could tackle over 2 years ago. It gave me good focus and was cool to look back on beginnings. I'm ready to get back into continuing to help myself physically, since right now nothing is stopping me. Wish me luck on the reboot with hopefully some slow but positive gains. I miss feeling stronger and healthier. Cardio and strength training in T-3 is go!

Sad Panda Feels Outnumbered In Life

I've been completely off track for nearly 3 months now with the gym and all exercise in general. I feel like I know what the reverse of the phrase zero to hero is, I've gone from small hero to failing zero. I've gone from being an inspiration to people to falling down so far that I barely have the gumption to even get out of bed most mornings.

I hit a point of burnt out tired around mid July. I'd been training like crazy, pull 3 and 4 hour days between bike riding outside and the gym. I pulled 90 minutes on an elliptical one day and did an 11 mile bike ride later that same afternoon. I figured no big deal... take a couple weeks off to rest my laurels and get my head back on straight and give my body a little bit of down time. Then bam out of the blue I came down with an infected nerve in a tooth and no dentist available for 5 days of misery accompanied with oxy-c from my regular doctor (which made me ill feeling and slept most the time) just to get me through that time period they could get at my damn tooth. 2 weeks down route canal completed. Then I got back to exercising again for all of less than a week when a really nasty painful cyst appeared on my ass/upper leg that decided to spread. Staph infection treatment for three weeks.

Sigh... by this time I was really losing heart and slowly losing grip on what had become such ingrained focus and habit for me. I happily started back at the gym in a very light precept because I'd lost so much ability and stamina it wasn't funny at all. 20 minutes on an elliptical was doing me to the point of exhaustion. It wasn't a pretty feeling at all.

Only it got worse for me with my run of personal bad luck. On a checkup about the staph infection I got asked about what the doctor referred to as a rash on my face and I said "oh, that, that's just rosacea as far as I know" and he asked if I'd ever seen anyone about it. I said no and then he got this horrible worried look on his face and said it may not be rosacea because antibiotics would help that not make it freak out to holy hell and have my face bleeding and oozing puss. (Yes, it's a very severe skin problem at times) So he asked if I'd agree to having blood work and an urine analysis done, I agreed. Well leave it to clutzy me, I slipped and fell running to my car from the doctors office that day and, bam, that put me out of commision on the gym yet again! I literally went home and sobbed, not even from the pain but just cursing myself and how yet again things happened beyond my control setting me off the only little bit of personal focus I'd been able to manage.

Fast forward a week. Had multiple vials of blood taken, urine and off it was sent to a special lab somewhere because he said it'd be a couple weeks to get back the results. Well low and behold I'm feel better with my wacked knee, I get back to the gym 3 times... next morning I go down my staircase in the dark to get some early morning coffee made for myself. Well... clutz again I fell down the end of my stairs. Smashed both of my knees hardcore, completely tore open the old wound on my right left and messed up not only my knee cap but my chin on my left leg this time. Later that day it started turning many not so pretty purple and blue colors where it wasn't just bleeding through. I was NOT a happy camper at all.

Two weeks to get my knees to feel better again I did get back to the gym very lightly 3 times but this time I wasn't feeling better myself, I was very tired and just not with it. I met up with a boy I'd been dating who wanted me to go to Rochester, NY to a Barbershop convention and singing contest he was entered in so I did. He complained he thought he was coming down with something but I didn't think too much of it. I spent that first night with him and the next day was feeling very very tired, went through another night and next morning I was flat out sick, snot running, chest hurting, coughing up crap, the whole nine yards. Sunday I was glad to be back home by that night because I'd been having a fever run on and off that whole weekend and just collapsed. Next day I knew I had a checkup anyway to see about the results of my blood work ect. submitted previously. Two birds with one stone I figured.

Doc looked at me, and put me on a horse pill of an antibiotic and a steroid for my lungs because I was in worse shape than I though. Nice bought of pneumonia and a middle ear infection had set it. As if I wasn't a sad enough panda at that point, his look changed and he sat down. He said he was sorry but he didn't have good news about what he could understand of my results. My heart just sank deep into my gut and I hadn't even heard the worst of it yet.

He said he wasn't qualified to tell me much but wanted me to see a specialist if I'd agree to it but said it'd be out of town. I nodded and said yes, then he just said flat out he was worried about some of the readings and that it may tie into other issues like insomnia, fatigue, depression, irritable bowel syndrome and seizures ( from in my teenage years) and premature ovarian failure with the early beginning onset of addisons disease that I'd seen an endocrinologist for originally years ago. Hell I'm even starting to shrink in height with is scary in itself, I used to stand 5 foot 5 and a quarter inch and now I'm 5 foot 4 and a half inch even. He also mentioned that it was possibly going to be a very serious issue later on with my kidneys if it wasn't already but there wasn't anymore he could do for me personally since it wasn't his field. He said again he was sorry he didn't have better news but was hopeful that the autoimmune specialist he was sending me too would have some more tests they could run to find out better what was going on and start treatment for me.

Right now I have a very empty, extremely depressed, and scared feeling encasing me. Sure, the boy I'd been very hopeful about and felt good being around gave me the "I don't think I see you that way brush off" and that's made me feel like garbage on a personal but that's just small crap right now and not even worth worrying about with my time. Right now I'm really frightened of the unknown with my health. Seems like the more I want to figure out things and have them be better, the more obstacles I find and the worse things get. Right now I'm just very tired, very bleak and been fighting off dizzy spells from this pesky bought of pneumonia that's been kicking my ass, even tried to work yesterday and ended up passing out and was sent home after an hour and a half nap and food to get my grounding back.

I've gained weight, gone up a size since this summer, have no stamina, strength is shot to nothing for weights and I'm starting wonder if it's worth fighting through all the crap I've experienced and felt for years. It's hard lately to tell if the good parts that can be found in life are really worth it. I want to think it's the right thing to keep on trying to live and be a better person even when I get down and feel like saying fuck it and completely giving up. Usually I'm able to find a friend I can to relate too and sometimes even have something new enter in unexpectedly to help bring me around. Giving up and wanting the lights of life to be permanently out seems logical more often than it should, but when you come to the end of your rope it's hard to find something new to hang on to. I like to hope that I shall find what will make me truly happy for whatever time I do have left on this crazy non-nonsensical rock called Earth.

If anyone can find my lost cheer,energy and motivation... send it post marked. You have no idea how grateful I would be.

Life-changing motivation; or, Operation Disregard Men: Get Jacked Redux

Earlier this month, Mr. Right became Mr. Left.  As in, left me out of the blue.

I'm still reeling, but in the meantime I've dropped something in the neighborhood of 10 pounds, and have started training again in earnest.  It's good for trying to take my mind off things, and preparing for the inevitable round of Dating Again (which I'm really, REALLY not looking forward to.  I'm picky and I was happy, dammit.  Where am I going to find another intelligent, attractive brewing heathen medievalist with a taste for atmospheric black metal, hikes and skee-ball dates who shares my existential/nihilist, misanthropic outlook and isn't a complete a-hole and makes me laugh like an idiot and light up like the sun?  I digress.  The doc says I just need more Zoloft.)  And I know while I was with him I stopped working out regularly, drank more beer, stopped planning... about 15 pounds crept up on me over the course of the relationship.  But it's done, and I know what I need to do.

As if that wasn't enough, my sister is recently engaged and I'll be shopping for a bridesmaid dress sometime next spring and I'll be damned if I'm not going to look fabulous.

Here's my plan of attack:

- Eat clean, stick to around 1200 cal/day if I can manage it.
This part can be tricky because I drown my sorrows with a friend on Thursdays, which involves about 3 drinks and sometimes pizza and cookies.  I will make up for it with:

- Lift heavy, alternate top half/bottom half
I've never been able to stick with a split plan like this but after quitting Kung Fu (I loved it but the tuition is expensive, and I'm going to need a new wardrobe) I think it shouldn't be too difficult.

- HIIT
High intensity interval training.  Every other day or something like that.  On the days I'm not killing myself with sprints, I'll be doing a run/walk program to get myself back up to running 2+ miles in a go without puking.

- Have a plan
I haven't been writing this down, but every night I've been thinking about what I am going to do the next day - what I'll eat, how I'll train, and when - to keep myself on track.  I've already gained a tad bit of weight back due to a bad start to the week - I didn't want to eat and ended up just shoving whatever looked like food into my mouth to keep myself going.  Peanut M&Ms, popcorn, beer.  Whatever, it was just a few days.

The important thing to remember about those little lapses are they're LAPSES.  You do it, you acknowledge it, you forgive yourself, learn from it, and you get back on track.  That can probably be applied to issues in relationships too, and yes, I'm going to go there.  You're going to have ups and downs, and true character shows when you pick it up and don't let it stay down and keep striving for something better, keep learning from how you interact with others. 

It's not a crisis if you don't work out for a few days, don't have a perfect diet or... don't have a perfect relationship.  It becomes a crisis when you ignore what needs to happen - what you need to do, and how, to take care of yourself and to take care of a relationship.  You don't plan or you don't communicate, you don't bother to get back on track, and it's doomed.  Sometimes you need feedback to realize you're off track - your pants don't fit, the scale has gone up.  Communication provides that essential feedback within a relationship and when it's lacking, things cannot get fixed because half of the couple might not know there's something wrong.

The grass is always greener where you water it.  Anywhere you mindfully put in the effort you WILL see improvement.  This applies to nearly everything in life and love. 

You're working out and your form is bad, always has been?  Keep going, find out how to correct it.  Your're slow and always have been?  Keep going, you will get faster.  You have no endurance?  Keep going, you can train up to it.  You fall in love and you're a jealous girl, and it hurts your boyfriend?  Keep going, mean it when you say you're sorry and learn how to not be.  Your girlfriend has some baggage but is otherwise an awesome person with lots to give?  Keep going, she'll learn how to leave it behind if she loves you - and if she's earnestly working on it, yeah that's a good sign that she loves you and she loves herself enough to want to keep things positive and become a better person.  The best and worst thing about life is that nothing is permanent, and almost anything can change for the better.

I don't believe that there's one perfect person out there for me who I'm going to get along with effortlessly.  I'm a realist.  When you love someone, because you are so close and spending a lot of time with that person you are going to sometimes butt heads and sometimes you are going to disagree and it's going to hurt because you allow yourself to become vulnerable to that person.  However, if you fall in love with someone, there's likely something there that means something to you, that's special and rare, and that's worth putting in the effort to keep because when you get along (which should be most of the time), things are awesome. 

When it gets down to it, we're social animals, nobody enjoys being lonely and relationships take work, but if you love the other person, or did at one point, the effort is worth it.  Unless they've done something truly reprehensible (cheat, steal, kill, maim), you can love them again.  Being healthy takes work, but the effort is worth it.  The human body is very forgiving if you give it what it needs - healthy food and exercise.  You stick out the rough workouts because you know something better will come of it.  You can learn to love yourself again.  The heart can be forgiving too.

Mr. Right doesn't understand the last few paragraphs?  Keep going, he'll either figure it out or he won't.  He'll want to make it work if he loves you.  YOU know you're worth it; if he doesn't, all it means is he doesn't love you, which is too damn bad for him, and frees you up for someone who does understand it's not all pancakes and cuddles, but will stick it out because the pancakes and cuddles are damn good, and there's nobody else with whom he'd rather share the good times, and who knows that you'll find the lesson in the bad and take it to heart to make yourself a better person.  Someone who will tell you you're beautiful and maybe give you flowers (even if he had to pick them).  And if he's really lucky, Mr. Right will realize his mistake before it's too late.

In either case, if you keep making the same mistakes, even if you always fix them them afterward, you'll just get stuck in a cycle - you won't make any progress.

Keep going, keep going.

Annoyed - strength loss

Yes I am annoyed. I'm annoyed with myself but it's actually quite healthy for me. Instead of letting my inner anger beat me down I'm using it to kick my own butt in gear. The other day that I posted I never did get in half the exercises I set out to do. I got in more treadmill but time got away from me and I had to take off to meet my friend for a date out of town.

Anyhow... yeah annoyances. My curling bar broke today... it was actually pretty damn new and it snapped at the joint, literally the steel end of one half of it is crumbling away. Cheap-cheap-cheap! I'm so very annoyed and going to do my best to get my money back or at least store credit at wal-of-mart where I bought said curling bar from.

Other main annoyance is my strength is down, severely down. It's not good but it's my own fault for being lax on my weight training efforts this summer. I was able to bench 60 lbs. at 14 reps at my peak now I struggle with 40 pounds and barely able to get 12 reps. I just need to reassess what I'm doing and focus slowly from the bottom and work on gaining again. They don't call it getting a build for no reason. You really do have to build it up very slowly over time. If miracles could happen in a day there would be a hell of a lot more happy people out there.

Anyhow, I'm off to go get dressed for my job in Ye'Old retail then get my happy butt to the gym directly after. I've got nobody to push me so I need to learn how to keep pushing myself better, harder and with more tenacity.

Feeling clean!

I'm so sweaty I can't cross my legs, and I can feel the beads of sweat running down my back.  Despite being decidedly icky on this balmy evening in the Witch City (70 degrees with 84% humidity!), I feel very clean... on the inside.

These are my awesome shoes.

It started when I was jogging this afternoon.  I call it evening - it's as fast as I can really go, being somewhat out of shape these 12 years out of high school track (though you could argue I wasn't in great shape back then either - 5'2", 125 pounds and fairly low on muscle mass.  I was a chubby 125.) - but really, to anyone watching, it's probably jogging. So anyway, I was out running/jogging, spurred on by Danzig and I just felt like my insides were getting clean.  I was sweating out - processing out - all the junk that was dragging my body down.

The important part isn't just feeling that - it's remembering it, and using it again and again - and cleaning it out until all the junk is gone.  That's my motivation for the day.

Breaking the Funk.

Yeah, it's been a very off week for me. I've been lax on my gym efforts and well lax on life as a whole when I slide into these massive depression boughts. Work became overwhelmingly frustrating a few days ago when I was already having personal issues to work through and well... needless to say; we all have a breaking point. I broke down, cried and almost had to quit my job. I literally spent one entire day off on my couch in and out of sleep. I've zero, zip, zilch energy or motivation to do what I normally strive to do for myself, for the last few days. Normally I at least hit my treadmill for a good 25 to 40 minutes at minimum just to keep up my exercise habit formation. Yes, you do need to form the habit and keep on it or it will go away. That is no lie. Don't let that phrase bring you down too much though. I went through a period of 3 months where I stopped working out altogether a year ago and I've bounced back from it and well. Just keep on returning and don't beat yourself up too hard and you will have some success.

Anyhow, got back on my horse today, after a week of eating nearly an entire pizza one night, drinking like a tank another and having my boss take me out to calorie laden Olive Garden last night. Do I regret any of it... honestly no and you shouldn't either when you break away from doing the "right thing" It's very unrealistic to think "I can be perfect and if I'm not then I'm a failure." Just gotta be able to swing back from the lows that life does give us and continue forward for yourself. Wanted to get to the gym today but I procrastinated this morning terribly and have opted for my home workout instead since I have a long drive later this afternoon to see a friend out of town. I'm actually writing this in my rest period I give myself between my initial treadmill power walk and starting my light free weight routine. I completed 30 minutes on my treadmill and am doing back, shoulder and bicep exercises today. Actually I plan on throwing in some deadlifts as well since I haven't had a proper leg exercise in almost 5 days due to my funk period.

Just saying, don't give up folks and don't deny yourself life either. You know what I had this morning, half a piece of Irish Car Bomb cake and a mocha coffee. You know what... I live life pretty reasonably these days despite how it may seem. I started out at 245 pounds. Keep in mind I'm 5'4" and carried a majority of that weight straight on my belly and upper thighs. I did have cankles but my massive stomach made them dwarf in appearance. I wore size 52 men's pants stomach wise. I now wear size 36 gladly on my naturally seated pant area a few inches inches below my natural waist line. I actually had no defined shape left to my body when I was that heavy, no waiste line... just wide breasts that were like fat pancakes and a massive stomach, double chin and fat legs. I was all very ashamed of it all and thusly myself, even has a person on the inside I felt like garbage at my worst. Also a good note to you folks: the natural waist is seated much higher than people realize, it's right below your chest, mine is measured at a 32 inches but most modern clothes are much lower waisted than that. So when a mag-rag says my waist is this crazy small number... keep in mind they are NOT talking about where normal humans wear pants. It's a skewed perspective to make their article and person featured in it seem more impressive than they really are. Part of the unrealistic expectation syndrome that gets planted in our cultures heads unfortunately. Honestly, someday I dream of the possibility of maybe even wearing a 34 without it feeling tight on me. Hey you never know and when you meet one goal, it's good to put another in place.

Well have a great day everyone and I'll be glad to banter more at you very soon and tell you how my home weight training went for me today. Ciao for now folks!

Look at me! I'm a normal human!

Hello world. I'd like to give a slight introduction to myself. I'm a normal average human female. What you don't know is, I work INCREDIBLY hard at times to even fit into what people have deemed average/fat. My natural state of being to be honest is that of LARDO FAT ASS and I admit to as such. Wearing size 14 pants for me I consider smaller and I'm actually proud to be able to fit into them! I tire of seeing advertisements for quick fixes and people saying "LOOK AT ME! I lost 20 pounds and now life is fantastic!" No, no, and NO. It doesn't work that way in the realm of reality. Are you better off for trying to be healthier? Yes. Is it going to fix all that upsets you in the world. No. Is it hard? Yes. Can you do it? The true answer to that is - Only if you want to and have realistic expectations of yourself. Not everyone can magically become a size two, 4 or 6 no matter how hard they try. It's not reality folks and it's high time more people stepped up to say that to the world! I'm here to tell all of you just that and more in the days to come. I'm not perfect, and you'll hopefully see a bit of my world the way it really is for me. Not just with exercising, training, moderate dieting but with life as a whole and all it can entail at times.

Peace Out for now and mucho taco love to all of you! (Yes, I like bad for me foods! There is no sin in that.)

Fall down 7, get up 8

Clearly, I didn't stick with it.

My problem with the sort of program in the Drop 10 Challenge (which I wrote about in April) is that I need to think in terms of what the plan allows - there's little room for spontaneity, and I have to (gasp!) plan.  That doesn't work so well for someone with ADD.

I've ditched the Drop 10 Challenge - it didn't take long - and sought the advice of the Internet on what to try next.  I think I've found it.

It's simple.  It's nearly idiot-proof.  It's the No S Diet.  No Snacks.  No Sweets.  No Seconds... except Sometimes, on days that start with S.

Ice cream, we won't be parted for long.  We can wait 'til the weekend.

Of course, that leaves room for interpretation, and it's up to me to make sure that those meals are healthy first and foremost.  I find that it's much easier to not get upset with myself about eating total crap if I have it with other healthy bits of a meal.

It counts if it's a meal!

And honestly, this No Sweets thing is helping.   The other day I opened a bag of Swedish Fish without finishing it.  For me, that's an accomplishment.

Feed me.

I'm very excited about eating.  And I say this with sincerity after polishing off my evening ice cream.  I think about food nearly constantly - I don't know how those anorexics do it!  This evening I've been pondering whoopie pies and blueberry muffins, all the while prepping the first 3 of many scanty meals to come.

Well I should say 4 meals.  Or 3 and a half?  Or really 4 and a half, but technically... anyway.  No sense getting hung up on that.

For dinner tonight, I whipped up my version of Penne with Chicken and Broccoli Rabe.  I didn't have the forethought to take a picture, so you're just going to have to imagine it.  I swapped out the chicken sausage for canned clams (I didn't have any chicken, much less chicken sausage, handy) and broccoli for the broccoli rabe because seriously, that stuff tastes like some sort of bitter lawn clippings.  And I subbed out the penne for rotini because I'm just cuh-razy like that!

Picture is unrelated.  See?  Cuh-razy.

Not only was it delicious and pretty filling, but the volume of nommification was far greater than I had estimated.  I highly recommend this nonsense.

Breakfast, lunch and snacky-snack for tomorrow leave me a bit suspicious, however.

That's Oatmeal, I promise.

First, breakey-fast.  This one looks pretty tasty, and if the bits I licked off the spatula were any indication, it is!  Here we have the Chocolaty Oatmeal.  My version looks a bit less tasty because it's in a plastic container, and I haven't drowned the whole mess in skim milk and floated ground flax atop it like the instructions say to.  I figured it's best left until morning when I'll actually be face-stuffing this glorious sludge.  No, really, it's quite good.  There's banana in it!

So perhaps breakfast doesn't have me suspicious...  I'm much more worried about lunch.

I don't get to eat this all at once.

Since I'm lazy, lunch tomorrow is going to be Peanut Butter and Apple Sammy (uh, I think they didn't get the memo that the correct term is sammige).  Pretty straightforward - peanut butter, sliced apple, cinnamon:  throw it on bread.  Slice DIAGONALLY (this is my addition but I feel it's the most critical bit of the recipe) and wrap in plastic.  Yeah.  I get to eat that with baby carrots... or carrot sticks in my rendition because I know the truth about those baby carrots.  Plus I like messing around with my chef's knife.

Those aren't my knives.  They're my chef's knives.  (slow clapping)

My snack for tomorrow afternoon (four o'clock precisely!) is one medium (or in my case, one and a half really small) orange(s), and a low-fat cheese stick, for which I've substituted a bit of gouda, because it's so gouda.  (no, there's really no end to my terrible jokes.)  All in Hello Kitty bags because I am a Professional Adult.  (serious look.  adjusts glasses.)

Seriously, this looks pretty paltry.  I think my mom packed me more in 2nd grade lunch box.

"and if ye gaze into the brown bag, the brown bag also gazes into you..."

I can see that someone could lose weight on this plan, but I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it without regularly punching anyone.  There are two things working in my favor, though - I take Kung Fu (no, seriously) and the Drop 10 Challenge allows me 250 "happy calories" a day.  You better believe I am not sacrificing my coffee with sugar & milk in the morning, or my precisely 66 grams of mint chip in the evenings - otherwise there may be casualties.

Chances are good I return from work tomorrow and devour the entire contents of my fridge (including 3 cartons of eggs, a half gallon of milk, a brick of miso, and half a pound of lard.  Yes.  There is lard in my fridge.  I don't mess around.)

Yep, this looks challenging.

What am I doing.  WHAT.  am I DOING?

I hate diets with a passion and love cooking - mostly healthy foods, but there's no way I'm turning my nose up at a whoopie pie.  Hence, my current situation.

Yeah but you gotta figure a couple pounds for the chucks, and that droid weighs what, a quarter pound, and....

Ladies and germs, that's not such a nice number when you're 5'2".  Sad but true, when you have that little area to spread it over, every ounce shows.

It wasn't always like this.  There are size 4 suits languishing in my closet, skinny jeans that haven't seen the light of day since sometime in 2007, and I'm sure my clubbing attire would look nicer without the muffin top, thankyouverymuch.

(Un?)Lucky for me, and as you're likely well aware, I'm not the only girl with this conundrum.  Like many others, I regularly thumb through practically the entire canon of fitness periodicals: Women's Health, Oxygen, Shape, Fitness.  I call it my vicarious exercise - once I'm done reading through the workout routines some smiling fitness model offers up every month, I'm exhausted and ready for my nap, or my mint chip ice cream.

Do not mess with my ice cream.

WINNING - As Advertised?

This month, I saw something in Self that piqued my interest.  I'm usually not a fan of this mag, what with the parade of celebrebimbos on the cover dishing up their secrets to the perfect body (sure, I could spend 5 hours a day in the gym with a personal trainer if my job was to look great, too!), but I saw this spring's Drop 10 Challenge, and how much variety - and normal-ness - there is with the menu... Heck, I have most of this crap in my cupboard or fridge.  I saw that alone.  My lazy little heart skipped a beat, and I thought, "I might be able to do this."  And I cannot stress that "might" enough - I've tried and failed at this fitness thing so many times.  The only time I thought I had it, I was cycling 6 miles a day to and from work and living off Lean Cuisine (eew).

Anyway, I'm going to try this.  If you want the details on the plan, make clicky on the links above.  If I succeed, hooray, I can wear those size 7 jeans again.  If I fail, at least I can fail big and y'all can laugh at me drowning my sorrow in ice cream.